Making sure to utilies all ways possible to get me into a better state of mind, this is why the following text are seen as a blog, rather than news. This will be blog post #1
Scroll down for a guide about Sadness
First, my personal story
A day ago, my mom passed away. Her struggles began 8 years ago, same week I moved back home to care for her. It began with her eyes, with the verdict of her becoming blind. She also didn’t eat proper and was undernourished due to lack of appetite. But we managed our best to keep her engaged into the daily lives by reading out loud to her, help out with cleaning and cooking.
This wasn’t all, she also had migraine which started when she was 16 years old. Days could go with her just sitting in an ache, waiting for it to pass. I grew up with seeing her having headaches, but now with this combined, it was way worse.
On top of all this, she smoked too and developed chronic obstructive lung disease from all those years of smoking. She stopped doing that as soon as she found out she was in stage 4, and it would end her life if she continued.
The latest months grew more and more intense on all of these symptoms, stacking up and pressing her down to depression and anxiety. Then swiftly and silently she passed away, after a big sigh with a breathe struggle for more than 24h in the hospital bed.
Her last words, before it became hard to hear was ”I just want to rest”.
Good night mama, sleep well. I wish you were here.
Being creative keeps me sane
With all of this said, and if anyone are wondering the current status of anything is that I try to look forward, and keep moving in that direction. Music is a way for me to meditate, and so is all the art I am making. This changes not much, with the exeception that the next album might sound more sad, if I haven’t tricked your hears good enough. I hope you will enjoy the soul and heart I put into it.
I am also thinking on starting to stream soon enough, since I might have time. But the thing is, dad is sick too. This is why I have worked so hard on everything, and now I have to take care of him as good as I can.
This is all I wanted to share for time being. Things are alright, it will get better, but this year ”2020” as a whole, can go crash and burn for all I care.
This is a short story about my mom, and me.
Guide; How to handle Grief
Grief can occur with different kinds of losses. This text is about what it can be like to mourn someone who has died. Usually the grief gradually subsides, without you needing help from the care.
How can I react to grief?
Some cry a lot when they mourn, others do not cry at all. Some want to talk about what has happened, others want to take care of themselves.
The same person can grieve in different ways on different occasions.
Reactions may vary
Here are examples of reactions that can occur in grief:
– feelings of unreality
– missing and longing for the one who has died
– despair and depression
– feelings of abandonment, emptiness or meaninglessness
– worry or anxiety
– anger and irritation
– constant thoughts of the one who has died and of death
– feelings of guilt.
You can start thinking a lot about questions about why we exist: What is the meaning of life? Why could this happen? Why am I affected? How can my life become meaningful again?
You may be angry at the person who has died and left you, or angry at a doctor who could not save the person. Or to someone who says something that feels inappropriate or stupid.
Feelings of guilt are common. Some feel guilty for living, when someone they know has died. Others may feel guilty because, for example, they have thought or said something stupid to or about the person who has died.
Your feelings and reactions can change quickly.
It can be difficult to understand that what has happened has really happened. It can feel like you are stunned and shielded from the surroundings. Then you may not feel anything special at all. Those feelings can be difficult to understand. You might think you should feel sad.
Grief can affect how you function
Grief can affect you in different ways. Here are examples of what you can experience:
– You may feel tired and lacking in energy.
– You may have difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too little or too much.
– You may have pain in the head, in the stomach or elsewhere in the body.
– You eat more or less than you usually do.
– You lose the desire to do things.
– You can get infections more easily.
Grief can change the way you think and what you think
Grief can make it difficult for you to concentrate or to understand and remember things. You may find it difficult to decide to do things. It may take longer to do things than you are used to.
It is also common to experience that the person who is dead has returned. It can be short moments when you think you hear, see or feel that the person is with you. Maybe you’re talking to the person who died.
What does it mean to have grief?
There are different ways to describe how it feels to be sad. In the past, grief has been described as something that follows certain definite phases.
Now the research is based on a model where the mourner commutes between two positions. One situation is characterized by the loss. The second mode is characterized by the new life without the one who has died.
Switching between the different modes means that one moment you can think and feel very strongly and have a hard time dealing with the fact that the person you are grieving is dead.
The next moment you can think, feel and do things without a direct connection to the loss or grief. You can grab things that you want or need to arrange to create a life that works without the one who has died.
Sometimes you can commute between the two modes every few minutes. Other times, you may be in a longer position, perhaps hours, days, or weeks. Eventually you will notice that you focus more and more on your new life.
Nevertheless, after a long time you can suddenly become very sad again. This does not mean that grief starts all over again. The grief remains throughout life. The grief usually subsides over time, but it can be reminded differently and at different times. You learn to live with grief.
What happens with our bodies when we grieve?
Grief activates the same system in the body as stress does. It can affect how you function and behave. High levels of stress hormones in the body also affect the immune system. It can make you extra susceptible to infections.
Grief sometimes resembles depression but is not the same thing.
What can I do myself if I am in grief?
There are things that can make it easier when you are sad:
Try to eat and sleep at regular times.
Tell others how you feel, even if it can sometimes feel like no one really understands. Others may have difficulty knowing what to do or what to say. Then it is good if you can try to tell what kind of support you want. Sometimes it can be nice to have someone with you even if you do not want to talk.
Contact a support group. Some people think it feels good to talk more with someone or someone who has similar experiences. You can read more about support groups later in this text.
Write down your thoughts. You can try to write how the grief feels. Both when you are most sad and when you feel less sad. You can write to the person who has died and explain your thoughts and feelings. You can also try listening to music, reading books or watching movies about grief, for example. For some, it helps to see that others feel much as they do.
Try to find out things that may feel unclear and confused in connection with the person’s death. It can help you move forward in your grief. For example, you can book a conversation with the staff who took care of the person.
It is usually good to be part of ceremonies to say goodbye to the person who has died, for example a funeral. The ritual and the memory of it can help to make what has happened feel more real.
Some feel good about preserving the feeling of presence with the dead. It could be lighting a candle or performing another action. It can also be to visit a particular place or to save an item that means a lot. The person who is dead may have had a blog or a social media account that you can continue writing on.
Take a break from grief
Grief can feel a little easier if you can occasionally allow yourself to try to do things that you usually like or that you need to do.
It is also good if you exercise regularly. Walking, exercising or doing any other physical activity that is possible for you can help if, for example, you feel restless or anxious, have body aches or have difficulty sleeping.
Try to endure the grief
Some people may react to a loss by starting to work hard or by quickly entering into a new relationship. It may be what they need right then. For others, it may be better to wait a bit with big decisions.
Try to be patient even if the grief hurts so much that you prefer to avoid it. Be careful with alcohol and drugs so that you do not develop an addiction.
Also avoid isolating yourself.
To be close to someone with grief
It takes different lengths of time for different people to grieve. It is also common to grieve in different ways.
Sometimes a person’s behavior after a loss may seem strange to the environment, but it can still work for the person who is grieving. Some may seem like they are not mourning at all. They may take a break from grief or they may not show their grief to others.
The important thing is that you who are close show that you care and do not think that you must have a solution to the situation the person is in. Ask how it is and do not be afraid to disturb. It is common for those who have grief to want to talk about the person who has died and tell them how it feels. Listen, and try to refrain from giving good advice.
You can also talk about other everyday things or just be quiet, if the person seems to prefer it. You can suggest that you do something together. Maybe you can help with some everyday chores. It can be cooking, cleaning or going shopping.
If there are children, you can help by maintaining safe, well-known daily routines. It can be accompanying the child to an activity or helping with homework. You can read more in the text about grief in children and young people.
It is very common for someone who has grief to be too overwhelmed and tired to be able to take any initiative. Get in touch yourself and preferably several times, even if you have previously been rejected. Give concrete suggestions on when you should hang out.
#KeepMovingForward my friends